I was with my ex for 4 years. That's a good chunk of my 23 years of existence. So when we broke up toward the end of May, I was absolutely crushed. Devastated is putting it mildly - I was in an overwhelming state of despair, and everyone around me could see it. I'll spare the details, but I will say it was a less than amicable breakup.
About a month later, I reconnected with someone that I never thought I would see again in a million lifetimes. Sometimes, the universe works in crazy ways, and when one door closes another one opens up to a world of intense love and countless possibilities. We've now been together for almost 4 months, and yes, the L-word is frequent in our daily conversations. Do I mean it? Hell yeah.
Here's the part where you ask me, "...but how do you know?"
How do I know that I've met the love of my life? How do I know that I'm head over heels in love with the most amazing human I've ever met? How do I know without a doubt that this love is mutual and not a one-way street? Let me count the ways...
I know I love you because...
1. You gave me the confidence to come out to my family, something I never thought I'd be able to do
2. When I hugged you again for the first time in over a year, you felt like home
3. At the end of the crazy days we have at school, all I want to do is see your face and hear your voice, even if it's through a computer screen.
4. 20 hours on Skype is still not long enough
5. You talked me down from the first panic attack I've ever had in front of a significant other, and it didn't phase you at all
6. Waking up at 2 am (when I actually do manage to wake up for more than 2 seconds) to tell you I love you and I hope your day goes well is the best part of my day
7. I talk about you to my parents...MY PARENTS!!! Who, up until 4 months ago, did not formally know that their daughter was gay let alone in a relationship...
8. I secretly look forward to those surprise attacks from my mom when we're Skyping, just so she can ask you how cold it is now, and you can compliment her on the new haircut that she hates
9. When my kids take part in their daily crazy shenanigans in class, all I can think about is how much you would laugh if you could see them too
10. I can't stop thinking about the incredible future ahead of us
I know you love me because...
1. You sent me my favorite flowers and a new book for my classroom library on my birthday, from 5000 miles away
2. You bought "Goodnight, Darth Vader" to read to me over Skype as I was lying on the couch, sick from little kid germs
3. Waking me up at 1:30 am to freshly made grilled cheese sandwiches because you knew I would be hangry in the morning if I didn't eat was second nature to you
4. Of the way you call me beautiful when we wake up in the morning and I have no makeup on, my hair looks like Medusa's snakes, and I can barely open my eyes
5. You bought an outrageously expensive plane ticket to meet my family over Thanksgiving...my immediate family, my crazy cousins, and a few of my protective best friends...good luck, babe
6. You use plural pronouns regularly
7. Farmers market flowers, French patisserie serenades, and hours in a magical bookstore is just a typical Saturday for us
8. You indulge my crazy love of puppies and always play along, even if that means possibly having more animals than humans in our house
9. Staying up talking until the sun rises has been the norm since we met
10. The future is never "if", but "when"
Although this list is in no way exhaustive, and although I know this list will grow with time, it's a start. A start to what I know is going to be the most mature, selfless, and healthy relationship of my life.
Lessons to be learned? God and the universe always have a plan that is far greater than anything we can imagine, tragic endings are beautiful beginnings in disguise, and once-in-a-lifetime loves are not to be ignored.
Until next time.
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